Originally Posted on 1/29/08
AN OPEN LETTER TO HER EX: OUR NEW DRAMA FREE LIFE
We have spent the better part of several days now trying to have just the right time for everyone involved to have a nice sit down chat (a come to Jesus meeting) about the debacle that is my Hunny's Ex. Ex has been a ever persistent thorn in my side since Hunny and I started dating. Granted, fate threw us together only weeks after Hunny's arrival. And for that I am truly happy and thankful. But still.
Once Hunny moved to Atlanta to start a new life and a new job, Ex just couldn't seem to let go. She called several times a day with needy questions or issues. Even after Hunny and I were together, and the fact that I was now in Hunny's life was made painfully clear. Still, she called numerous times a day, often with such ridiculously boring or unimportant crap. It was like she had ESP and knew when we sat down to dinner, were out on a date, were being intimate, were simply spending time together, or maybe it was just that she called so often it was damn near guaranteed that we'd be together and she'd be interrupting.
Initially, it was our grand idea that if we were nice and polite, eventually her neediness would wear out and she would move on, and no one would have to be ugly and no feelings would be hurt. No such luck. We got the ill fated call one Summer day that Ex had applied to Agnes Scott and had been accepted. Oh great She is moving all the way from Michigan to Atlanta. I guess there were absolutely no other decent colleges or universities for 800 miles.
The Bitch She-Devil in me kicked in and my mind began to race creating all possible scenarios that would eventually damn near instant for instant come true. I knew that those subtle ties that had yet to be cut were freakin bungee cords. Ex was springing back to proximity like a jubilant bridge jumper. And there was going to be DRAMA
As Ex's departure from Michigan approached, we discovered that Ex was indeed dating someone, if not from boredom or convenience, it was a much welcomed rebound on our part. Here in begins the acceleration of drama. In the week that led up to Ex's arrival there were 10 calls a day about travel routes, hotel accommodations, living arrangements, storing crap at our place (not happening), parking permits, registration issues, dorms, off campus apartments, whether or not significant other was coming or not to help Ex move. We were instantly deemed travel agents and tour guides. The more frustrating aspect was that even when we provided our input, the info was shot down because significant other lived here 20 years ago. Then why the fuck did you call us?
I tried so hard to be a kind and generous soul, and good Samaritan. I tried so hard to be positive. I tried so hard to have the mind-set that quiet possibly the time apart had allowed Ex to grow up and mature a bit as she embarked on a new life away at college in a new city and state. Oh how wrong I was. Upon their arrival to our fair city, Ex's drama exploded with her then significant other. They argued and fought all the way here and for the several days it took Ex to settle in. Then we were blessed with a play by play of every issue between the two of them after significant other started home and arrived back home. WE DON'T CARE
That relationship immediately fizzled away once Ex hit the bar scene. Ex wanted to attend nearly every single Femme Mafia function, and followed Rachel (the Femme Mafia Donna) around like a groupie. Then, there was My Sister's Room. For a couple of months, our regular Wednesday night gig was to go to karaoke at MSR, which didn't take long for Ex to figure out. She quickly became a regular fixture at MSR. Wednesdays were spent bouncing between our clique of close friends and The Donna's Femme Mafia friends and associates. She soon took up with a FTM who shall remain nameless. We shall call him Why . Ex and Why. Get it. LOL.
We were finally glad to see Ex become fixated on someone other than ourselves, and hoped that latching on to someone else would give us the much deserved peace we required. Not the case. Halloween. At MSR. Only a few weeks into dating / not dating, shacking up / not shacking up with Why... came the debacle of Halloween. I have previously ranted on that night, but I will summarize as follows: Somewhere, someone disliked our short notice drag show due to a costume malfunction that was quickly remedied and played off. Ex and Why blessed us out, although it was NOT their place to do so. Ex essentially sold us out. And we haven't been back to MSR since.
Here the drama SNOW-BALLED In the days that followed, I had blogged the details of the evening. Ex and Why didn't like THEIR names being involved. I say TOUGH SHIT. However, I removed their true names and inserted Ex and Why for anonymity. The last time I checked the Constitution, I was guaranteed freedom of speech without fear of persecution. Why spent the better part of two days doling out harassing phone calls, verbal threats of physical violence and even death, and text messages that would make a sailor blush in shame. Oh, so very mature indeed. That bitch sat there and allowed this jackass to do this... often times from HER phone. So to that I say - FUCK THE BOTH OF YOU
From there on out I have had no use for either one of them. Hunny, on the other hand felt some need, which I still don't understand, to try to repair the 10 year friendship they had *before* they dated. Yeah, what the fuck ever. But still the one condition was that if they were ever going to be friends, that Ex would never utter one word about her and Why. I understand that - seeing as the asshole threatened (no matter how empty of ability and full of Testosterone charged Napoleon Syndrome it was) to kill Hunny and Hunny's immediate family members... get this... through his Mafia Connections. And not the Femme Mafia. The Mafia Mafia.. ROFLOL. Um. Yeah. Whatever.
By the way... let me explain something about Why. Why is a self proclaimed Jewish 5th generation Italian. Yeah. That confused me. But I was delighted to hear from him that many Italians are culturally Jewish. Really? Could have sworn most were Catholic. But, hey, I could have missed that day in Social Studies back in Elementary School. He's a Southern Italian to hear him tell it, who's great great great grandfather was Sicilian and immigrated to Peru and married a Peruvian. Last time I checked, Sicily was not necessarily Italy. Italians don't like being called Sicilian and vice versa. And if some ancestor 5 generations back married out of the culture... that makes you.... exactly 6.25% Sicilian - AND NOT REMOTELY ITALIAN. Do the math, Ass-clown
But for the better part of Thanksgiving to New Years all Hunny heard from Ex was about Why. Why this, and Why that. Why was an asshole today. Why might be arranging criminal activity. Why is kicking me out. Why is letting me stay with him when I come back from the Holidays. Why Why Why Why Why - ARRGGGHHH So the let's not talk about him idea was instantly - next day - out the window.
Now mind you, that during this entire saga, my Hunny has been suffering excruciating pain from a debilitating back injury sustained at work. Never a word was uttered about how Hunny was doing, if Hunny was better or worse, if Hunny needed any thing a friend could offer. In fact, Ex, actually had the audacity to ask Hunny to help HER pack and move out of student housing for the holiday break, and again to help her move back in afterwards. ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME? YOU OBLIVIOUS INCONSIDERATE BITCH
At this point I had so had my goddam fill of Ex's needy and inconsiderate shit that if she hadn't left town during the break I could have bitch slapped her. The final straw that has broken the camel's proverbial back was when she actually told our friend the shit about not moving in with us or letting us be around her son because of the potential time-bombs we paramedics are, and we should not be around her kid.
Now let me say this... and for the love of gawd I hope you are reading... While Hunny and Roomie may have tact, diplomacy, and are just so goddam passive that they don't want to deal with your shit... I am NOT them. I have kept my mouth shut and been supportive during the shit you have put my husband through for months now. I even found out that you went behind my back and told my Husband that if things didn't work out with us, that you'd still be there... just in case. That's plain out sad. That makes me more determined than ever to make the best of our situation.
We have a hard road ahead of us for the shitty hand we have been delt - outside of your drama. Lest you forget that I lost my job and burned through all our savings to survive these last few months, nearly losing our home, until finding my job at Christmas. A job that you were informed of when I landed it, a night job. A job you conveniently forget about when you are blowing up my husband's phone all day long with calls and text messages with your pathetic brand of drama and insignificant chatter. Even now when I have asked you kindly to call after 6 so I can sleep during the day, you still call. My husband needs to recover from his injuries. We have to pack up everything we own to sell our house and move. Our lives MUST go on. AND THEY WILL GO ON --- WITHOUT YOU. IT STOPS TODAY.
WE DON'T NEED YOUR CONSTANT BULLSHIT. GROW UP ALREADY. YOU BLEW OFF YOUR FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE AND I GUARANTEE YOUR GRADES SUFFERED. STOP PARTYING AND BAR CRAWLING. YOU'RE 27 FOR GAWD'S SAKE. FOCUS ON GETTING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. FOCUS ON GETTING A REAL EDUCATION. STOP SHACKING UP WITH THE FIRST PIECE OF BOOTY YOU FIND AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP DRAMA WILL SIGNIFICANTLY DROP OFF. FOCUS ON FIXING THE SHIT ABOUT YOU THAT NO ONE LIKES. NO ONE LIKES THE DRAMA.
I DON'T APPRECIATE THE AMOUNT OF SHIT THAT HAS COME BACK TO ME FROM SEVERAL PEOPLE IN THE LOCAL QUEER COMMUNITY AND FROM AGNES SCOTT THAT YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT ME, MY HUNNY, AND OUR FRIENDS. I DON'T APPRECIATE HOW YOU SMILE WHILE YOU SPIT IN MY FACE.
TAKE MY ADVICE - FROM THIS MOMENT ON...
NEVER CALL MY HUNNY AGAIN.
DON'T CALL ME.
DON'T BRING YOUR DRAMA TO OUR FRIENDS, OUR FAMILY.
DO YOU GET THAT?
IS THAT BLACK AND WHITE ENOUGH FOR YOU???
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